Never Work Alone

Gifts: Acceptable or Not?

Introduction:

I raised a good debate on the Never Work Alone Google Group with the question about gifts: "Is it acceptable for a manager to receive gifts from those that he or she manages?"  In the discussion, another question came up: "Is it acceptable for a manager to only give gifts to some of their people?"

When I raised this question, I suspected that there would be two distinct camps - those that see no problem with it, and those that believe that gift giving and receiving could cause more harm than good.  So, let's look at both sides of this coin.

Gifts are acceptable

Bren says sure. Unless your company has a policy prohibiting gift giving, why not? Of course, extravagant gifts ought not be acccepted. Though "extravagant" is a relative term. He had a "boss of a boss" once who gave expensive wine (~$100/bottle) as gifts. But only to his direct reports or those above him. All of whom could afford such luxuries. Bren didn't get no stinkin' wine. This year Bren didn't give any gifts, but he did receive a few. Some handmade jam, a box of mints, etc. Small, appropriate gifts. If someone had tried to give him something extravagant, he'd probably have found a way to gracefully decline it. Which brings me back to one of your questions. he'd probably say something like, "Thanks for this [whatever], but as much as I'd like to, I really can't accept it. Accepting such a gift would cause some hurt feelings within the department and we just can't afford that. I sure appreciate your generosity, though. Thank you."

Martin Spernau feels that accepting such a gift has it's problems, but not accepting does likewise. One thing he thinks is crucial in such a situation: The manager must make her position regarding the "strings attached" to such gifts absolutly clear. It must be crystal clear that giving and accepting a gift has null and nothing to do with anykind of benefits etc. A gift must be a purely personal thing. No strings attached, and no obligations.  To prevent any kind of unease re gifts one team manager once started a nice tradition: For the team christmas party everybody (managers included) was to buy/make/bring a small gift. The gifts where all gift-wrapped, and there was a rough value-guideline (about 20$ max). Those gifts then were RANDOMLY drawn, so no one knew who recieved which
gift. And no one knew who the gift was from. That wprked nicely and was fun.

Dwayne  doesn't have an issue with gifts.  He gets a few gifts, and gives a (very) few gifts - not based on position, etc.  Sometimes there is a reporting relationship, sometimes not.  He doesn't expect "strings" for the giving the gift, and people get no strings for giving me gifts. Most of the time, when he gives someone a gift, it's an "I saw this and thought of you" sort of thing. He also tends to give things people whenever the mood strikes, not just around the end of year holidays.

Chris believes that if you're working in an organization where you might be set up for charges of favoritism, then he think it says more about the culture than about the action of giving a gift. For Christmas, he gave each of my employees a book (carefully selected based on their own self-created professional development needs) and he also gave a book to my CEO. Does that set him up for favoritism? Or does it show that he appreciates them and their work? He gets increasingly tired with the idea that, as a manager, you have to be "fair" to all. His experience is that transparency is more important than fairness. If your folks know the how and the why behind decisions, then that is enough. Managing with a "one-size-fits-all" philosophy doesn't reward anyone. If anything, those who put the best of their talents and skills on the line everyday get punished in order to keep those who prefer to do less happy through "fairness."  Sorry, life isn't really fair and neither is management. Those who do great work deserve to be rewarded. Those who deserve our appreciation should be able to accept something more than a letter or a comment.

Chris also talks about culture in this decision.  Culture is an accumulation of people. If a culture doesn't have enough trust and transparency involved then almost anything can be interpreted as favoritism. Ask one employee if they'd like a latte from Starbucks, but not another (because they don't like coffee)...could be favoritism. Share a particularly useful article with one employee but not another (because it is about marketing and not databases)...could be favoritism. If there's a person who takes things like gifts as favoritism, then he questions whether the culture in the organization is truly healthy. By your example, if that's all it takes for someone to get suspicious, then perhaps there are some larger troubles hanging out there unexplored.

Gifts are not acceptable

Eric Sohn was strongly in this camp. He goes on to say: In a word, no they shouldn't. It leaves you open to charges of favoritism. I would return this and say "while I appreciate the gesture, accepting your gift is inappropriate given our professional relationship." If it's something that could be shared (e.g. candy), you could further suggest that the sender re-gift it to the entire group, which would be viewed much more favorably by all concerned.

Eric also thinks that prefacing things with something on the lines of "that was really thoughtful of you" or "how nice!" is probably sufficient. But it's important not to sugarcoat things, either. A statement on the lines of "If I wasn't your manager, I'd be ripping the wrapping paper open right now. But, unfortunately, I'm in a tight spot here" helps show appreciation, while acknowledging that there is an issue.  The direct report did commit a faux pas, however well-intentioned. I've never been at a company with a written policy on this. It's just considered bad form - and it is bad form. At some point in time, he or she might want to get a better understanding of corporate hierarchies and politics. It would do a world of good for their future career arc.

Eric thinks it's naive to think that things are always successfully done in private. It's not just between you and the other person - it's between the two of you and anyone else who might find out. While normally he is a risk taker, my take is that this is clearly a case of better safe than sorry. And, in some respects, it doesn't matter which way the gift flows. If it flows from the manager, unless he "brings something for everyone," there are potential problems.  He suspects it's much easier to deal with in smaller, more informal, groups where the "manager" is more of a facilitator and team leader and whose title and status is more of a formality (i.e. someone has to be held accountable). The more status distance there is between manager and managed, the more my Magic 8 Ball says to be cautious. Cultures in which gift-giving raises eyebrows may have larger issues....but that's the real world. I'll  bet there are pockets in Google or Yahoo! where gift-giving from  staff to manager would raise eyebrows.

Eric also believes that gifts to your direct reports aren't the issue. Imagine if direct report X gives me a gift, which I accept, and direct report Y does not. During the next review cycle, X gets a promotion - or at some point, he or she gets a plum assignment. Might Y grumble about favoritism, legitimately or otherwise? It's not about what's right - it's about the impression. Taking gifts from those you manage is fraught with potential dangers. And, to be honest, it's not about company culture - it's about the people in those companies. All it takes is one person with a nose out of joint to start a minor ruckus. And, again, it doesn't matter about whether they're justified or not. The fact is, you're spending time and effort putting out a brushfire you didn't have to see start in the first place.  And, unless you're really tight with the CEO, I'd probably leave him off the Christmas list. Rightly or wrongly, it could come back as an attempt to curry favor.

The only gifts that Eric gives to managers are ideas. If he saw an interesting article or newsletter, he will share it. If he read an interesting book, he will bring it in and offer to lend it out. Keeping the "gift" squarely focused on professional advancement deflects the charge of currying favor. It probably also depends on firm size - I've tended to work in large financial institutions, where rules, regulations and guidelines are king.

Cathy Goodwin agrees with Eric on several of these points and asks more questions. Why are these employees sending gifts? Was there a custom from their previous department? Are they your best or your worst employees? She wouldn't want hurt their feelings or make them feel bad.  Instead of returning the gift, can you either share with the whole group (as Eric suggested) or donate to a charity?   You could say, "I realize I should have clarified our policy on gift-giving." And send out a memo as soon as possible. When Cathy was a college professor, students (especially those from Asia) often gave her gifts.  If the course was over and the student was from another country, she sometimes felt she had to accept. But she tried to educate students: the best gift to a professor is a nice letter of appreciation with copies to the dean and maybe VP-Academic Affairs.  And a neighbor who's a police officer shared a funny story. In Seattle, cops pay for all their food and coffee. They do not accept freebies. A new officer from the South breezed through the Dunkin Donuts without paying, just waving a thank you. Her supervisor had to call to explain, "We don't do that here. You have to go back and pay." She wasn't being mean -- she just assumed that was the custom.

Conclusion:

Did I get the answers I needed?  Well, yes but not in the way I imagined. My conclusion is that there is much controversy on this topic, and I would suspect that no matter how you sell it to your organization it won't satisfy everybody's expectations.   As a manager, you don't always (and can't) please everybody, so you need to determine what is right for your organization.  If it is going to cause more harm than good, don't do it!  Otherwise, make sure everybody understands where you stand on the issue of gifts and be consistent in that policy.

Reach out and touch someone

In a distributed team environment, it can be quite challenging to keep everyone on the same page, make people feel engaged, and promote continuity in a synchronized way. I recently asked for ideas on how to keep remote team members "connected" to the rest of the team, and I received some great suggestions from the NWA community.

While I fully agree that this issue is not a technology issue, I also feel that the right technology can help facilitate meaningful, productive interactions - and can even promote the development of better communication habit.

With that in mind, my "wish list" was for any technology suggested to meet the following criteria:

• relatively inexpensive

• accessible without requiring a VPN connection

• able to handle structured tracking of tasks, interactions, etc.

With that as a basis, helpfulness ensued.

IT Staff vs. Non-IT Staff: Cant We All Just Get Along?

I've worked with IT people for a long time, so there was an air of familiarity as I read the dilemma Roger Canada related on the Never Work Alone Google group:

'I was in a meeting with my boss the other day and we got on an interesting topic, IT staff and their inability to relate to non-IT staff when tech issues arise. As you may hear, see and even do, it is common complaint in our line of work to hear, of IT staff members when explaining or demonstrating a situation to a non-IT staff members glossing over important steps or moving to quickly through material. So my question is this:

Do you have any suggestions on how - if possible - IT staff can be taught to more easily relate to non-IT staff?  I work in a university and I find here the staff are broader in style and demographics than you would typically find in an organisation such as IBM which only compounds the situation between the two groups.

This resulted in a number of responses, which tended to cluster around two common themes:

1. Observations on why the relationship between IT people and non-IT people are strained, and
2. Suggestions that may make it easier for these two groups work together.

This issue spurred a number of good ideas and observations about some possible factors that contribute to this kind of "communication gap."

One Bad Apple or Lost Soul?

The Issue:

You have an employee that is highly skilled and is very valuable in his knowledge. When he is given tasks, he does it with high quality and gets it done as expected. So, what's the problem you ask?

This employee does not work well with teams. In fact, whenever he is involved in a team, it tends to be him against the team (especially if the team decides to go in a different direction). Therefore, though he gets his work done, he slows the team down. He also tends to play "devil's advocate" all of the time, which takes up time and hurts the team's innovation.

As a manager, you try to put him on projects that don't require teamwork but he can work by himself. However, those projects don't come around often, plus this individual would be very valuable to other  projects -- if he just would be a team player.

What to do?  Is it better for the team(s) if you go ahead and terminate this person? Or do you try to get him to appreciate and work as a team player? Or something else?

Has this person received feedback though “teamwork” coaching?

If not, EM Sky describes the process of getting him into coaching:

Let him know both how serious the problem is and that you find his knowledge and skills valuable enough that you are willing to give him a chance to accept teamwork coaching. Let it be his choice. If he doesn't value the job enough to undergo the coaching, then let him go. If he does value the job enough, then he will sign on for the coaching as a willing participant, which is necessary for the coaching to be successful.

Give him a day to make his choice, so that he doesn't feel he has to give an answer before being able to think things through, but I wouldn't give him much longer than that. A longer time period will
just prolong the stress. You might consider talking to him at the end of the day and then giving him the next day off to think about it, so that he doesn't bring the stress of that decision to work. Before he leaves, set up a meeting with him for the morning of the day following his day off, and let him know that you will expect an answer then. Be kind, and be firm. Knowing what to expect will minimize the stress of the situation for everyone.

If the problem has never been addressed directly, then he needs a chance to correct the problem on his own. Let him know that he can try on his own (over a definite time frame), or that you would be happy to provide him with a teamwork coaching program if he thinks it might be beneficial. Whichever route he chooses, meet with him on a regular schedule, at least once a week, over the course of that time frame, in order to check on his progress and to offer your support and encouragement. Try to have specific feedback prepared for those meetings, so that he will have a realistic view of his progress - both where he is succeeding and where he still needs improvement.

At the end of the given time frame, meet with him to discuss the results. If he is where he needs to be, great! If he is not where you'd like him to be but he's making considerable progress, you might consider allowing him to continue the process over a new time frame. Let him know that you think the problem still needs work but that you are pleased with his progress. If he's trying on his own and not making enough progress, then give him the choice between accepting coaching and resigning. If he has accepted coaching but is still not making enough progress, then you will know what the problem is and how to rectify it. This is an important aspect of the weekly progress meetings. They allow you to recognize early on whether there are attitude problems or personality clashes between the employee and the coach or what have you, and they allow you to adjust your methods as you go. If you're staying on top of the process, then by the end of the time period you'll know where you stand.

I recommend six-week time frames and weekly meetings because it allows the employee a chance to make real progress in between meetings without feeling constantly monitored, while giving the manager frequent enough check-in dates to allow him or her to stay updated on the change process. Six weeks is also enough time to allow new habits to "sink in," but if all goes well, I still recommend
follow-up meetings on a less frequent basis - maybe once every two weeks at first and then once a month, until the employee can maintain those new habits entirely on his own.

The most important key to the whole process is to approach it with the intention of helping the employee to become happier and to fit in better in his work environment (even if that
ultimately means letting him find a different workplace entirely). If the manager holds an attitude of annoyance and approaches the employee with the intention of "fixing" him, the manager's efforts will almost never be successful. But approach the employee with the desire to help him either to be happier in your organization or to be happier elsewhere, and you'll find him surprisingly open to that dialog.

Bren also mentions that while some folks adapt quickly to coaching, others never seem to without some explicit guidance. Marc mentions that a 360-degree feedback loop might uncover some issues.  However, he warns that for it to be effective, it should be done for a number of people involved in the situation so that a clear picture of the dynamics emerges with somebody that knows how to use this technique.

Mike Sale also picked up on the “devil's advocate” role and had this to say: Don't EVER let this person play devils advocate! This is a total cop out and they clearly do not have the ability to provide value in this role. Slap it down quietly but hard.  Make it abundantly clear that his job is no longer to find problems and solve them himself, but instead execute solutions as a team environment. Take no prisoners here! Find an opportunity where you have faith that either the team is "right" or both solutions will work and put him in a role of great reward and praise if he can make the team solution succeed. Break the cycle by changing his role from devil's advocate to the project's angel is critical.

If coaching techniques have been applied but ineffective, what next?

Everyone agrees that if he continues to subvert the team after effective coaching, he needs to go elsewhere in the company.  Given this scenario, it doesn't seem likely this can happen without some level of teamwork involved so the likely next step is to terminate. Otherwise, John Richardson provides an example of what could happen: I've had a similar situation when I managed a small automotive repair shop. We had three technicians who worker well together and formed a great team. We found ourselves overwhelmed in the summer with work and had to hire a new mechanic. This new technician was a hard worker but not a team player. Within a few months he had setup his own "team" and had turned the rest of the guys in the shop into negative complainers. All of a sudden our productive team was a bitter mess. It's the old story of "one bad apple" ruins the rest.

Doing business the way your customers want to do business

In our first scenario on the Never Work Alone Google group, we grappled with the following scenario:

A customer comes into a business and asks to buy a product and bill them in a certain way. The person at the counter didn't know how to bill the customer for the product in that way. The customer got frustrated and took their business elsewhere.

The person posing the question felt that the request was reasonable, but questioned whether or not the clerk saw the "big picture" in all this. On the surface, this seems like a staff training issue. However, when you dig deeper it's much more than than - and it can apply to virtually any organization. This issue boils down to how you answer a few specific questions:

1. When a customer wants to transact with your business in a new and different way, how does your organization respond?
2. Have you given your employees enough information and context to both determine whether that particular request is good for the business?
3. Have you given your employees enough authority to take reasonable steps to satisfy the customer's needs?
4. If the employee determines the request is beyond their authority or 'comfort zone' have you provided them with the means to escalate and/or document the request?

Evaluating and Responding To Customers' Requests

To effectively deal with unconventional customer requests, employees need context and rules. Above, I mention that the crux of this issue is deeper than training. Sure, training is important but it's more than process and procedure training. For employees to make appropriate decisions about handling unusual customer requests, they need to understand the rules, but the more they know about what makes the business 'tick' the better they'll be equipped to make the right call. This means training them on more "philosophical" aspects of the business, such as:

• Why are you in business, and how do you want to build the business long-term?
• What sort of authority do they have with regard to discounts?
• What is the organization's return policy, and when can they make exceptions.

Skip pointed out another aspect of this that can be trained: Answering the request with a "can do" attitude instead of a "no, you're out of luck" kind of attitude makes a huge difference. Create employees that are willing to explore options.

Empowering Employees

Here, I'd like to build on Rosa's solid advice on how to empower employees to do what's right without fear of retribution:

• Provide an environment where your staff is empowered to simply "get it done" - and build in good safety nets to mitigate risks to the business (like second level approvals, management review, escalation procedures, etc.)
• Keep a record of what's been requested and continually test every possible scenario a customer may face with you in the business. Not only does this provide the basis for learning and teaching, the testing enables you to better empathize with the customer because you develop shared perspective with them.
• When there's a glitch coach your staff on how to offer alternatives - escalation policies mentions, or simply asking the customers "what else can I do for you?" According to Rosa's experience, customers (amazingly) often offer easier/ cheaper/ better ideas.

Underpinning all of this, we need to understand these things only happen when our staff has high trust in us, feeling that we've provided a workplace where "fail safely, mistakes are cool when we learn from them, improve and adjust" is the walk of the talk.

Doing the Right Thing for the Right Reasons

With knowledge of the "why" of your business, the employee has a better idea what's good and bad for the business and is in a better position to do what Marc suggests by providing an informed response of "why not" when a customer's request just doesn't seem right for the business.

Then, by keeping track of all the requests, the business as a whole can learn from its customers over and over again.  Success in business is all about relationships, which are all about communicating with - and especially listening to - your customers.

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This is the first summary post of the Never Work Alone group, and thank you to everyone who helped promote this, participate in the lively discussion, and get this thing off the ground.

If you want to check out the raw materials that fed this post, head on over to the Never Work Alone Google group. And while you're there, pull up a chair around the conference table and join in the discussion!

Thanks,
Dwayne